fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
