Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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