Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there was a trapeze. enough said
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
