So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
