my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
pray to the hookup gods
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
