You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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