Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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