So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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