woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
