Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
