Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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