Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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