I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
