ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
