On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Four minutes until I can fart!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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