the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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