Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
