You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
