I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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