Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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