It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How does one acquire holy water?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
