Your dad touched me again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
