the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
