Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
