this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
