I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
