it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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