You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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