The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
