people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
