When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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