Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
