Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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