I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
