You're my little dorito
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
