When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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