and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
