I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
