So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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