Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
