My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
