1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
