im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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