glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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