wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
