Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
