I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
