I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
