If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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