I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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