is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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