john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
