I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
where are my eyebrows?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
