hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
