Sponge bath it is.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
