i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
