I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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